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  1. #31
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    one day bill complained to his
    one day bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
    "simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
    bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "you have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
    later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.

    The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

    "your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
    hahahahahahahahaha! Omg!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  2. #32
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    The Preacher and the Frog Princess
    An old country preacher was fishing one afternoon when he noticed a frog sitting next to him. The frog said, ďMister, Iíve had a spell cast on me. If youíll kiss me, Iíll turn into a beautiful princess and Iíll make you happy for the rest of your life.ĒThe old preacher smiled, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. After a while, he looked into his pocket to see how the frog was doing.The frog said again, ďMister, Iíve had a spell cast on me. If youíll kiss me, Iíll turn into a beautiful princess and Iíll make you happy for the rest of your life.ĒThe preacher just smiled and kept on fishing. When he checked on the frog again, it said, ďWhatís wrong with you, fella? I said Iíve been bewitched. Just kiss me and Iíll turn back into a beautiful princess and make you the happiest man on earth for the rest of your life!ĒThe old preacher just smiled and said, ďFrog, Iím sorry to tell you thisÖbut at my age, Iíd rather have a talking frog than a beautiful princess!Ē

  3. #33
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    Ed Zachary
    A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
    Her doctor recommended that she go and see Dr Chang, the well-known sex therapist. So she went to see him and upon entering the examination room, Dr Chang said,

    'OK, take off all you crose.'

    So she did.

    Dr Chang then said,

    'Ok now, crawl reery fass to the other side of the room.'

    So she did.

    Dr Chang then said,

    'OK' now crawl reery fass to me,'

    So she did.

    Dr Chang slowly shook his head and said,

    'Your problem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I

    ever see, that why you not haf sex or dates.'

    Confused the woman asked,

    'What is Ed Zachary Disease?'

    Dr Chang replied,

    'It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse‚€™

  4. #34
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    Beans
    One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing.

    The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?"



    Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat , and shot the canary."

  5. #35
    Nascar Pool Diecast Two Time Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    ROFLMO............!!! Thanks for that Belly Laugh...!! Have A Good Day...!
    WWJD...?!?

  6. #36
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    You are welcome 4me2c here is another

    Testicle Therapy
    Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

    The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

    'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside..

    She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?


    Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!

 

 
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