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Duane rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Duane smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk...

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat. The man isn’t sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes...

What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Why do men want their brides to wear white? Because they want their dishwasher to match their fridge and stove!

A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around.Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing.The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he...

George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the Devil was waiting for him. ‘I don’t know what to do here,’ said the devil. ‘You are on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got three folks here...

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?” “It...

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of...

My mother-in-law is a big woman. She got run over last week. The driver said he had enough room to get around her, but he didn't know if he had enough gas.

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common? They can both smell it but can't eat it.

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean it, prepare it, and serve the deer meat for dinner. He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is, so he doesn't tell them.His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for dinner dad?""You'll see", he...

What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy? Kermit's Finger.

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times last year." The wife nudges her husband...

There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send...

"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes, how can we help you sir?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, Sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood...

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does when she has an orgasm."Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids ..."

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I? 2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I? 3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People...

Two guys in a bar are discussing "positions" so one tells the other, "Well my favorite is the rodeo!" and the other says, "What's the rodeo?" "well, first you get your wife down and start to do her doggy style, then when you're halfway done, you bend over and whisper in her ear, 'you know...

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that...