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A young man with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man."What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy in your life?"The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy, I got really drunk one...

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in...

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks: "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"The Cowboy says, "Well...

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an...

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees."I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong."Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter...

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to...

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid replies, "Yeah."The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that...

Why do men break wind more than women?Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

Visiting Afghanistan for a second time, a war correspondent noted that since the fall of the Taliban, wives who used to walk ten paces behind their husbands were now walking ten paces in front. The journalist asked one of the men if this was a sign of growing equality."No", the man replied...

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?A battery has a positive side.

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready."Well, what is it?" he asks."It's a bit...

A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce...

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a...

How do you teach a blonde math?Add a bed, subtract her knickers, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn't multiply!

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10...

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have...

A passenger taps a taxi driver on his shoulder. The driver s**ts himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window."f**k-me, your jumpy aren't yer, I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger."Sorry," says the cabby, "It's my first day. I've been driving a...

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.However, a little voice in his head said Lots of other doctors have sex with their patients...

What do hurricanes and women have in common?When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,"Relatives of yours?""Yep," the wife...