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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    Dear John...

    The soldier serving overseas, far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

    He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying:

    "Regret cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others.
    That's from an old M*A*S*H episode.

  2. #32
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    Some Things You Just Cant Explain

    A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
    A man came in and asked the farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?'
    The farmer shook his head and replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
    'So what happened that's so horrible?' the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
    'Well,' the farmer said, 'today I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
    Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.'
    'Okay,' said the man, 'but that's not so bad.' 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer replied.
    'So what happened then?' the man asked. The farmer said, 'I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.'
    'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her.
    Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.'
    Man laughed and said, 'Again?' The farmer replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
    'So, what did you do then?' the man asked. 'I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.'
    'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.
    Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.'
    'Hmmm . . . ' the man said and nodded his head. 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer said.
    'So, what did you do?' the man asked.
    'Well,' the farmer said, 'I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
    In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain.'

  3. #33
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    Some Things You Just Cant Explain

    A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered.
    A man came in and asked the farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?'
    The farmer shook his head and replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
    'So what happened that's so horrible?' the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
    'Well,' the farmer said, 'today I was sitting by my cow, milking her.
    Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.'
    'Okay,' said the man, 'but that's not so bad.' 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer replied.
    'So what happened then?' the man asked. The farmer said, 'I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.'
    'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her.
    Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.'
    Man laughed and said, 'Again?' The farmer replied, 'Some things you just can't explain.'
    'So, what did you do then?' the man asked. 'I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.'
    'And then?' 'Well, I sat back down and began milking her again.
    Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.'
    'Hmmm . . . ' the man said and nodded his head. 'Some things you just can't explain,' the farmer said.
    'So, what did you do?' the man asked.
    'Well,' the farmer said, 'I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter.
    In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain.'
    Ohhh Ohhhhhhhhh!!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  4. #34
    Farmer At Work Farmer1's Avatar
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    LOL are you picking on Farmer JK
    Two of the greatest qualities
    to have in live are:

    PATIENCE
    and
    WISDOM

  5. #35
    Transparent Wall Technician crazed 9.6's Avatar
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    So God made a Farmer
    Code:
    https://rumble.com/v19br5h-paul-harvey-so-god-made-a-farmer.html

    And on the 8th day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need a caretaker"

    so God made a Farmer.

    God said, "I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk cows, work all day in the fields, milk cows again, eat supper, then go to town and stay past midnight at a meeting of the school board"

    so God made a Farmer.

    "I need somebody with arms strong enough to rustle a calf and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild; somebody to call hogs, tame cantankerous machinery, come home hungry, have to wait lunch until his wife’s done feeding visiting ladies, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon -- and mean it"

    so God made a Farmer.
    Something has gone terribly wrong with this circus and the clowns are everywhere.

  6. #36
    Farmer At Work Farmer1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crazed 9.6 View Post
    So God made a Farmer
    Code:
    https://rumble.com/v19br5h-paul-harvey-so-god-made-a-farmer.html

    And on the 8th day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said, "I need a caretaker"

    so God made a Farmer.

    God said, "I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, milk cows, work all day in the fields, milk cows again, eat supper, then go to town and stay past midnight at a meeting of the school board"

    so God made a Farmer.

    "I need somebody with arms strong enough to rustle a calf and yet gentle enough to deliver his own grandchild; somebody to call hogs, tame cantankerous machinery, come home hungry, have to wait lunch until his wife’s done feeding visiting ladies, then tell the ladies to be sure and come back real soon -- and mean it"

    so God made a Farmer.
    Thanks my friend
    Two of the greatest qualities
    to have in live are:

    PATIENCE
    and
    WISDOM

  7. #37
    Transparent Wall Technician crazed 9.6's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Farmer1 View Post
    Thanks my friend
    I was gonna post that as a follow up to Jony's joke.
    I had to laugh when I read that joke, but then I thought we'd better ensure that farmer knows that we love him too..

    But you beat me to it before I got to post that speech from Paul Harvey



    And that my friends was the rest of the story
    Something has gone terribly wrong with this circus and the clowns are everywhere.

  8. #38
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    Some things you just can't explain. Ha ha Farmer1 but no picking on you

  9. #39
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    Every time an Indian walks int...

    Every time an Indian walks into the chief's teepee he sees that the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee.

    One day, one of the Indians walks into to chief's teepee and there's the chief masturbating again. He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."

    The chief says, "Her arm get tired."


    Some things you just can't explain

  10. #40
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    A henpecked man got tired of h

    A henpecked man got tired of his wife constantly picking on him, so he started playing poker on Friday nights with his buddies just to get some relief. After he came home she'd start right in on him again.
    After several weeks went by, he came home early one Friday night about 9:30. His wife asked him how come he was home early. He told her, "You need to pack your bags and go to Herb's house, I lost you to him in the card game tonight."
    His wife became furious and started to give him hell. She said, "Just how could you do such a thing!?"
    He replied, "It was the hardest thing I ever done... I had to fold with four aces."



    Some things you just can't explain ? fold with Straight flush.

 

 
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