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  1. #11
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    and don't forget the Gas Stations along the way...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  2. #12
    Bad Street Fighter Ryu's Avatar
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    hahahaha definitely 2 or 4 lanes and even oneway will be much better lol
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  3. #13
    Bad Street Fighter Ryu's Avatar
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    heres another from bwcbob

    Final Exam .....

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
    I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

    A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
    The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
    All information provided is for informational purposes only. Use at your own risk.

  4. #14
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    SNAP!!!!! Another bwcbob gem!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  5. #15
    Chief Officer
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    The "Claven Theory"

    The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter....."One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went:Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
    In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.



    In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
    Don't you feel smarter after a few

  6. #16
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    ^^^^^Circular logic does work for a brief time, lol! Good one!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  7. #17
    Chief Officer
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    Duct Tape & Onwards
    An old man is sitting on his porch when he sees a young boy walking down the street dragging something behind him. He calls out to the boy, "Hey son, what you got there?" to which the boy replies, "It's duct tape, I'm gonna go catch me some ducks." The old man laughs and he calls out, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape!" The little boy laughs and continues on his way, returning a few short hours later, and behind him, he is dragging 8 ducks, all wrapped up in the duct tape. The old man can't believe his eyes.

    The next day, the old man is sitting on his porch again and along comes the little boy dragging something behind him. When the old man asks what he's got this time, the boy replies, "It's a spool of chicken wire, I'm going to catch some chickens in it." Well the old man begins to laugh quite hard, telling the boy, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." The boy laughs himself, and says back, "That's what you said about the duct tape," and he continues on his way, with the old man laughing like crazy. A few hours later the old man is surprised to see the boy coming back, and even more shocked to see that behind him he is dragging 10 chickens, all tangled up in the chicken wire, he can't believe his eyes again.



    The next day, the old man is sitting there wondering what the little boy will be up to next, and sure enough he sees him coming down the street with something in his hand. He calls out to the boy, "Hey son, what you go there today?

    " The boy responds, "It's a pussy willow."

    The man then replies, "Hang on son, I'll get my hat!"

  8. #18
    Bad Street Fighter Ryu's Avatar
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    @jony hhahhha nice one
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  9. #19
    Chief Officer
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    Miss Bea, the church organist,

    Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring,and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
    As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.



    Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something...!
    When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
    "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).



    "Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."

  10. #20
    Transparent Wall Technician crazed 9.6's Avatar
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    "The illusion of freedom will continue for as long as it's profitable to continue the illusion. At the point where the illusion becomes too expensive to maintain, they will take down the scenery, move the tables and chairs out of the way, then they will pull back the curtains and you will see the brick wall at the back of the theater."
    - Frank Zappa

 

 
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