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  1. #101
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    A blonde, wanting to earn some...
    A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
    "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
    The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
    The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
    The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
    He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
    The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" the husband asked.
    "Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
    Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
    "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

  2. #102
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Hahahahahahahaha! Thankie!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  3. #103
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    Balcony Life
    Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
    The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"
    he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
    "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."
    Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.



    "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

  4. #104
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    One Smart Kid they got there...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  5. #105
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    Dream job
    Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
    The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."

    The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?"

    The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

    The HR Person replied, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

  6. #106
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Lol, Been There, Done That...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  7. #107
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    An Irishman is walking along t...
    An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie.
    The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes."
    The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout."
    POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magicaly filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?"
    The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."

  8. #108
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    An elderly man and woman meet ...
    An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling.

    The old man is thinking... "Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her."




    The old lady is thinking... "Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties."

  9. #109
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Definitely a ROFLMAO Moment...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  10. #110
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    A married couple went to the h...
    A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.
    Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father of the baby. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
    The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
    The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
    The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
    The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

 

 
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