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  1. #111
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Special Delivery Indeed..!!!
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  2. #112
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    A young ventriloquist is touri
    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas .With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
    Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
    The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize but the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee".

  3. #113
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Nuff Said... Next...!!!
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  4. #114
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    Belated confession
    A man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest.

    "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."

    "Well," said the priest. "That's not a sin."

    "But I made him agree to pay me $20 for every week he stayed," the man explained.

    "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause," the priest replied.

    "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind,” the man said. “I have one more question, though."

    "What is that, my son?" the priest inquired.



    "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

  5. #115
    Rocket Recovery Technician
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    AOOOOO, A few more hail MARY's there. HHEHEHEHEH hats a really good one LMAO as Usual !!!!!

  6. #116
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    A prisoner in jail receives a ...
    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

  7. #117
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    A prisoner in jail receives a ...
    A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"

    The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."

    A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

    The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
    Capitalizing on opportunists! 'Tis best!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  8. #118
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    24 Hours Left
    A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex.

    Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live.

    Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

    Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.



    After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.

    The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."



    At this point the wife sits up and says,"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

  9. #119
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    The GIFT
    Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it's his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.

    Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.



    Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.

    Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.

    Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she has never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, 'Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.'



    Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, 'All that money and they didn't even iron it.'

  10. #120
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    (ouch)...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

 

 
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