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  1. #331
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    hung chow calls into work and...

    hung chow calls into work and says, "hey, boss i no come work today, i really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legshurt, i no come work."
    the boss says, "you know hung chow, i really need you today.
    When i feel like this i go to my wife and tell her give me sex.that makes everything better and i go work. You try that."
    two hours later hung chow calls again. "boss, i do what you say and i feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house.
    excellent!! :d
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  2. #332
    iptv
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    Wow, that is funny & unexpected !!!

  3. #333
    Chief Officer
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    The young fellow is about to m

    The young fellow is about to marry and asks his grandfather how often a married couple should have sex.
    His grandfather tells him, "When you first get married, you want it all the time, maybe several times a day; later on, maybe once a week. As you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year -- maybe on your anniversary."
    The young fellow asks, "How about you and Grandma?"
    His grandfather replies, "Oh, we just have oral sex now. She goes into her bedroom and I go into my bedroom. She yells, 'F**k you,' and I holler back, 'F**k you, too!'"

  4. #334
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Ain't that the Tooth...?!? esp if You have Dentures...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  5. #335
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    The Bored Man

    There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A friend approaches him and asks, "Why the long face, Ralph?"
    "Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and there's just nothing left to challenge me."
    His friend says, "No, you can't know everyone. Do you know Paul McCartney?"
    He says, "Sure, Paul's an old friend of mine. Here, I'll show you." He goes over to a phone, dials a number. His friend overhears a British accent, "Hey Ralph, how ya doing?"
    He talks for a while, but when Ralph hangs up, his friend is not really sure that it was Paul McCartney on the other end of the line, so he asks him if he knows the president.Ralph says, "Sure, we go way back." This time he lets him listen in as he calls a private number. It sounds like the president on the other end of the line, and they go into a big discussion of the current economic scene, and Ralph offers a few suggestions. Drawing the conversation to a close, Ralph wishes him well and hangs up.
    His friend is a little dumbfounded at this point. "Well, there must be someone that you don't know." He goes over a few more people in his mind, and thinks, 'He can't possibly know the Pope. After all, he's a Protestant.'
    But Ralph claims to know him, so to convince himself otherwise, his friend desides to fly both himself and Ralph to the Vatican to get positive proof of Ralph's conviction.
    So they arrive at the Vatican, and Ralph suggests that his friend wait out in St. Peter's Square until Ralph has cleared things with the Pope. He's standing in the courtyard, when who walks out onto the balcony of the private residence, arm in arm with the Pope, but Ralph.
    Ralph looks down, sees that his friend has apparently passed out, and runs down to see what can be done for him. "What happened to you? Couldn't you accept the fact that I really do know the Pope?"
    "No, I'd begun to accept that possibility. But what really took my breath away was some stranger standing next to me who said, 'Who's that guy standing there with Ralph?'"

  6. #336
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    Why are you crying?

    Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face.

    The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?"

    The first one replied, "I came here for blood test."

    The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"

    The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."

    Hearing this, the second one started crying.

    The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?"

    Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test.

  7. #337
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Fastest U-Turn Ever...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  8. #338
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    The three wishes...

    One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, "I will grant you three wishes, Master!"

    The man was so happy, his first wish was, "I want a billion dollars!!!!!!"

    "Your wish has been granted, a billion dollars is now in your bank account."

    The man was even happier. "I want a beautiful woman!"

    "Your wish has been granted," the genie said and a beautiful woman appeared!

    "This is great!" said the man. Not wanting to waste his last wish, he decided to think about it for awhile longer. "I can't think of another wish right now, can I tell you later?"

    "Make it so, whenever you say your wish, it will be granted."

    The next day, the man was driving down the road, as happy as ever. He heard a popular commercial song on the radio and decided to sing along with it.

    "Oooooh, I wish I were an Oscar-Mayer weinerrr......"

 

 
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