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  1. #61
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    HEHEHEHEHHEHEH, Oh man that is a great one!!! Good to get a laugh thanks!!

  2. #62
    Renaissance Man Shooty's Avatar
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    A sex shop owner decided to hire his young nephew, Johnny, to work part time during the summer.
    He showed him the items for sale in the display cases and how to apply the prices on the undersides of the items.
    A week or so later, he figured Johnny was responsible enough that he could step out for an hour, letting him look after the store.

    Upon returning, he asked Johnny how it went.
    "Only 1 sale, $100 bucks", replied Johnny.
    "I showed him the small $25 pink Dildo, then the $50 big black Dildo, but he bought the plaid Dildo".
    "There was no price on the bottom, but it was way bigger than the black one, so I said $100, was that OK?".

    "Hold on, I don't remember any plaid Dildos", replied the owner.
    He looks under the counter in the main display case and then looks at his nephew;
    "You idiot, ...you sold my Thermos!"

  3. #63
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    When You're Hot, You're Hot...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  4. #64
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    Now that is a salesman, He deserves a bonus!!! HEHEHEHEH good one.

  5. #65
    Chief Officer
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    Credit Cards

    Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
    Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
    Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"
    Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?"
    No, sweetheart," she responds.
    Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
    "Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.
    "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks.
    "Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
    Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
    Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"
    Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

  6. #66
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Ain't That "^" the "TRUTH"...?!? LMAO...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  7. #67
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shooty View Post
    A sex shop owner decided to hire his young nephew, Johnny, to work part time during the summer.
    He showed him the items for sale in the display cases and how to apply the prices on the undersides of the items.
    A week or so later, he figured Johnny was responsible enough that he could step out for an hour, letting him look after the store.

    Upon returning, he asked Johnny how it went.
    "Only 1 sale, $100 bucks", replied Johnny.
    "I showed him the small $25 pink Dildo, then the $50 big black Dildo, but he bought the plaid Dildo".
    "There was no price on the bottom, but it was way bigger than the black one, so I said $100, was that OK?".

    "Hold on, I don't remember any plaid Dildos", replied the owner.
    He looks under the counter in the main display case and then looks at his nephew;
    "You idiot, ...you sold my Thermos!"
    DAMN!! That's just nasty!!!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  8. #68
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    Never been to a strip club
    A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

    “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

    “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?”

    Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.



    The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”

  9. #69
    Rocket Recovery Technician
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    Ah it was just my twin brother who is in the witness protection program honey!! Stop baby that purse is heavy!!!!

    GOOD ONE jony614,, Always nice to have a laugh!!!

  10. #70
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jony604 View Post
    Never been to a strip club
    A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

    “Oh, no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

    “She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual lap dance, big boy?”

    Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.



    The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
    Excellent, that cabby needs to muzzle up !
    "Glass Half Full Always"

 

 
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