Page 6 of 35 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 60 of 343
  1. #51
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    Husband wanted
    A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: "Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person."

    The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

    "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?" the widow asked: "Just look at you -- you have no legs!"

    The old gent smiled: "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

    "You don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

    Again, the old man smiled: "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

    She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: "Are you still good in bed?"



    The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

  2. #52
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Out There...!
    Posts
    6,751
    Rep Power
    300
    The Nose Knows...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  3. #53
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Out There...!
    Posts
    6,751
    Rep Power
    300
    #50 is a Side Splitter...!!! Glad 2 C U Again...!! Glad You are Safe...!
    WWJD...!!!

  4. #54
    Rocket Recovery Technician
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Posts
    858
    Rep Power
    116
    All good ones feels Great to read these!!!

  5. #55
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    A blonde, a brunette, and a re...
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." The next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"

  6. #56
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    Pukeing drunk
    Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong.
    "I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me."

    The other drunk says "do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned."

    "Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.

    When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket."

    His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars.

    "Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife.

    "He did," says the drunk.

    "But he shit in my pants too."

  7. #57
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    A businessman was preparing to
    A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.
    The man there said, "Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!"
    The husband said, "The what?"
    The man repeated, "The Magic Penis," and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.
    The husband laughed, and said, "It looks like a dildo!"
    The man then pointed to the door and said, "Magic Penis, door!"
    The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle...
    Then the man said, "Magic Penis, return to box!" and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
    The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Magic Penis, my crotch." The penis shot to her crotch.
    It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough... She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
    On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
    Gasping and twitching, the woman said, "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me..."
    The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, "Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass...!"

  8. #58
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Out There...!
    Posts
    6,751
    Rep Power
    300
    ouch, Ouch, OUCH...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  9. #59
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    A beautiful, sexy, good-lookin
    A beautiful, sexy, good-looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane.
    The lady said to him, "Can you help me remove something from my breast please?"
    The exciting young man replied, "Wow! It will be my pleasure. So what is it?"
    "Your Eyes, idiot!"

  10. #60
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    Brother -in-law
    A man suffered a heart attack and had by-pass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.
    As he was recovering, a nun asked him how he was going to pay the bill.

    He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

    The nun asked if he has money in the bank.

    He replied "No money in the bank."

    The nun asked " Do you have a relative who could help you?"

    He said "Just a spinster sister who is a nun."

    The nun, slightly preturbed, said "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

    The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law!"

 

 
Page 6 of 35 FirstFirst ... 4567816 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •