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  1. #181
    Rocket Recovery Technician
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    Now that is a run of really good gut busters Farmer1 and jony604 you make our days so much brighter when you bring these laughs to us thank you so much.

  2. #182
    Chief Officer
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    Thank you 12icer. It is all bwcbob fault enjoy

  3. #183
    Chief Officer
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    Texan Farmer Travels
    A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".
    Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
    The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those"?
    The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

  4. #184
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Well, I just got a few good laughs! Thankie Gents & Ladies!
    "Glass Half Full Always"

  5. #185
    Chief Officer
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    A man wakes up one morning to...
    A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."
    He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
    "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
    "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
    He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
    "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
    "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

  6. #186
    Chief Officer
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    A man walks in a bank, pulls o...
    A man walks in a bank, pulls out a gun, and robs the bank...
    Then he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me
    rob this bank?"
    The customer replies, "YES!"
    The robber raises his gun, points to his head and BANG!!!!!... shoots him
    in the head and kills him!
    He then moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "DID ...
    YOU ... SEE ... ME ... ROB THIS BANK????"
    The man calmly responds, "No ... But My Wife Did!

  7. #187
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Laughing Me Butt Off...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  8. #188
    Chief Officer
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    Drugs for Males
    With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society....

    DIRECTRA

    a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

    PROJECTRA

    Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

    CHILDAGRA

    Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

    COMPLIMENTRA

    In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

    BUYAGRA

    Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorites store's return limit.

    NEGA-VIAGRA

    Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

    NEGA-SPORTAGRA

    This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

    FLATULAGRA

    This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be double for long car rides.

    FLYAGRA

    This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

    PRYAGRA

    About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."

    LIAGRA

    This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

  9. #189
    Chief Officer
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    Money Is No Object

    A doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. The old man tells the doctor to search the world for the best heart available, money is no object. A few days later the doctor calls the old man and says he has found three hearts but they are all expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about the donors they came from.

    'Well, the first one belonged to 22 year old marathon runner, never smoked, ate only the most healthy foods, was in peak condition when he was hit by a bus. No damage to the heart, of course. But it costs $100,000!'



    The old man waving off the last part about the cost asks the doctor to tell him about the second donor. 'This one belonged to a 16 year old long-distance swimmer, high school kid. Lean and mean. Drowned when he hit his head on the side of the pool. That heart'll set you back $150,000!'

    'Okay,' said the old man, 'what about the third heart?'

    'Well this one belonged to a 58 year-old man, smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, weighed over 300 pounds, never exercised, drank like a fish... this heart is going for $500,000!!!'



    'Five-hundred grand?!?!', the old man exclaimed, 'why so expensive?'

    'Well', said the doctor, 'this heart belonged to a lawyer... so it was never used!'

 

 
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