Raffle for a Buzz Vivid stick ST 4000 01/18/2021 - bigstar

[iptv]

Taxi Driver In Heaven...
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven.

St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion?

After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'

'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

[Keyboard]

You are driving in a car...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you is a galloping zebra.

Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you.


What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


* Get your drunk-ass off the merry-go-round.

[4me2c]

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a...

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.

I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way.

At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.

At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"


Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!

Thanks for the New Password... the retrieval system Works...!!!

[superbox]

Police Are In A Chase

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia.

When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly.

The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"

The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."

[bigstar]

Dorothy and Edna....

Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are talking.

Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date.? I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7:00 P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he brings me such beautiful flowers!

Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car... a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for dinner... a marvelous dinner... lobster, champagne, dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show.

Let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! "

"So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Dorothy: "Goodness gracious!... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Edna: "No, no, no... I'm just saying, wear an old dress."

[xayoz]

Another new Illness to watch out for ...

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"So, what's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

"And what the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I just can't see my ass coming into work today."

[Nomad]

Unfaithful ? Nah ......


“My dear wife, soon we will be married 50 years, and there is something I have to know. In these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me”?

Martha replied: “Well, Harry I have to be completely honest with you … Yes, I have been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason”.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said: “I never suspected this. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reason’?

Martha said: “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended”?

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said: “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time”?

Martha asked: “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see the doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge”.

“I recall that” said Harry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time …”

“All right,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes."

[4me2c]

I Won !!!!

A blonde walked in a diner and orders a cup of coffee.

When she gets her drink, she notices that it has a "contest game
piece" on the side of the cup.

She peels off the sticker and instantly starts screaming, "I won a motor home!"

She continues shouting, "I won a motor home!" until the waitress
decides to get her boss.

"What's the problem here?" the manager asks.

"I won a motor home!" she shouts again.

"That's impossible!" he replies. "We didn't give out motor homes."

She says "Well, it says so on this sticker."

The boss takes the sticker and reads it. It says:

"Win a bagel."

Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!

[iptv]

Stolen Car.....
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had broken in to his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, steering wheel, break pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could get under way the phone rang a second time, with the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," said the drunk with a hiccup, "I got in the backseat by mistake."

[superbox]

A bad sign...

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A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him out cold.

A Passersby pulled him from the wreckage and revived him.

He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.

Later, when he had calmed down, they asked him why he had struggled so.

He said, a bit sheepishly, "I remember the impact, then nothing.

I woke up on a concrete slab in front of this huge, flashing sign.

Turns out somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'Shell' sign."