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  1. #51
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    Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place.

    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower.

    "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

    "Probably that I married you for your money."

  2. #52
    Nascar 2020 Pool Champion
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    Growing Tomatoes....

    A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

    One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

    The woman asked the gentleman,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

    The gentleman responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them.

    My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

    Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work.

    So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

    One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out?

    Did your tomatoes turn red?"

    "No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

  3. #53
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    Oh how Precious

    A precious little girl walks into a PetSmart store and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,

    "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

    As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,

    "Do you want a widdle white wabbit,or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

    She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

    "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

  4. #54
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Wink

    Nun of Your Business.....

    While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

    One asked the other if she would like a beer.

    The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.

    The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.

    She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

    The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair".

    Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

    "The curlers are on me."


    Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Chance and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  5. #55
    Nascar Pool Diecast Winner
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    A Texas business man......


    A Texas business man, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected.

    Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for evening.

    Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

    Hearing this, the Texan knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep.

    The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away!.

    Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese.

    Wanting to impress his friends, the Texan joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"

    Suddenly everyone became quiet...

    After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked, "Wrong hole? What you mean wrong hole?"

  6. #56
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    A farmer and his wife....

    A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and says, "Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow."

    His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."

    His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis.

    "Father, if this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother."

  7. #57
    Operations Ninja xayoz's Avatar
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    The Ring....

    An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

    He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

    The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

    The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

    At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

    "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

    The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

    The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

    The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check.

    "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

    Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

    "I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

  8. #58
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    A plane hit a patch of severe turbulence and the passengers were holding on tight as it rocked and reeled through the night.

    A little old lady turned to a minister who was sitting behind her and said, "You're a man of God. Can't you do something about this?

    "He replied, "Sorry, I can't. I'm in sales, not management."

  9. #59
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Married the Longest.....

    At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest.

    It turned out to be my husband and me.

    The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"

    I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

    Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."


    Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  10. #60
    Nascar Pool Champ 2018
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    Husband for sale.....


    A store where a woman may go to choose a husband has opened in New York.

    Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    “You may visit this store only once! There are six floors, and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.”

    So a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor, the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 -- These Men Have Jobs.

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 --These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

    “That's nice,” she thinks. “But I want more.”

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 -- These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking.

    “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-Dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

    “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims. “I can hardly stand it!”

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 -- These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, Are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 -- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

    There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

 

 
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