Page 8 of 16 FirstFirst ... 678910 ... LastLast
Results 71 to 80 of 153
  1. #71
    Bullwhale
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    yes i do
    Posts
    741
    Rep Power
    82
    06-02-2020, 09:22 AM

    A blonde was driving home....

    A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

    Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

    The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

    He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

    So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.

    Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

    Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

    The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

    Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

    "HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

  2. #72
    Operations Ninja xayoz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    428
    Rep Power
    39
    A noted sex therapist....

    A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.

    To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line, asking each person to smile.

    Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

    "Twice a day," the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.

    "Once a day, then?" Again the answer is no.

    "Twice a week?"

    "No."

    "Twice a month?"

    "No."

    The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to "once a year."

    The therapist is angry that his theory isn't working, and asks the man, "What are you so happy about?"

    The man answers, "Tonight's the night!"

  3. #73
    iptv
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Somewhere on planet Earth....... I think
    Posts
    784
    Rep Power
    45
    You're a red neck when...
    YOU'RE A RED NECK WHEN...

    1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

    2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

    3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

    4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

    5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

    6. Someone in your family died right after saying, ‘Hey, guys, watch this.’

    7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

    8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

    9. Your junior prom offered day care.

    10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines.’

    11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

    12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

    13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

    14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

    15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

    16. You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.

    17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

  4. #74
    Bulletproof
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    857
    Rep Power
    97
    A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.

    It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

    "Really," answered the neighbor .

    "What kind is it?"

    "Twelve thirty."

  5. #75
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Out There...!
    Posts
    6,751
    Rep Power
    300

    Exclamation

    actual job application

    This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

    NAME: Greg Bulmash.

    SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

    SIGN HERE: Aries.


    Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!
    Last edited by 4me2c; 01-24-2021 at 01:30 AM. Reason: Added Thanks...!!!
    WWJD...!!!

  6. #76
    Guru
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    256
    Rep Power
    19
    A man suffered a serious heart.......


    A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery.

    He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.

    As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.

    She asked, "Do you have health insurance?"

    He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

    The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

    He replied, "No money in the bank."

    The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

    He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

    The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

    The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

  7. #77
    Chief Officer
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    651
    Rep Power
    55
    Smile Concept of Politics
    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:


    I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'


    So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed


    The next morning, the little boy says to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ' The father says, 'good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.

  8. #78
    Nascar 2020 Pool Champion
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    295
    Rep Power
    22
    Two buddies talking......

    Two buddies talking in the bar.

    "Hey, you look rather dejected today. What's happened?"

    "It's my father-in-law."

    "Fell ill?"

    "Worse."

    "Died?"

    "Worse. He's undergone a gender change operation and... now I've got two mothers-in-law."

  9. #79
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Out There...!
    Posts
    6,751
    Rep Power
    300

    Exclamation

    You boys been drinkin?

    Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

    The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock!

    We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

    "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said.

    "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

    "What fer?" asked Bubba.

    "Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.

    Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

    When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

    "No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."


    Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  10. #80
    Nascar Pool Champ 2018
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    351
    Rep Power
    26
    What's My Name?

    The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.

    "John," the new guy replied.

    The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name.

    It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

    I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.

    Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

    The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

    "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "

 

 
Page 8 of 16 FirstFirst ... 678910 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •