Raffle for a Buzz Vivid stick ST 4000 01/18/2021 - bigstar

[pizzadish]

The traveling salesman...
The traveling salesman's car broke down in the country and he knocked on the farmhouse door.
When the farmer opened the door, the salesman said, "Sir, my car has broken down, and I was wondering if you might be able to put me up for the night?"
The farmer said, "Why, sure, but you will have to sleep with my son."
The salesman hesitated then said, "Excuse me, sir, but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

[Marley]

Oh My....
The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice.

"The next time you're down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife don't wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you're doing and go to the house," said the doctor.

"I tried that," said the farmer, "But by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it's no use."

The doctor thought for a minute, "Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are."

A few weeks later the two men met on the street.

"How did it work out?" asked the doctor.

"Fine, the first three days," said the farmer,
"But then hunting season opened and I haven't seen her since."

[bigstar]

Was it a ghost?

There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.

All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)

This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"

So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"

The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"

The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"

"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.

So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.

Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"

The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."

Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.

"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.

He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.

The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"

They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!

"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"

He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.

The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"

[superbox]

Little Jimmy...

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ___________________________

Little Jimmy sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and go into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a "Passionate Embrace."

Little Jimmy finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother.

Mommy "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her skirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Jimmy, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.

I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Little Jimmy to tell his story.

Jimmy starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and Jimmy said, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane... started doing that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the army."

[4me2c]

Female hormone...

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and

observed that 100% of them gained weight,

talked excessively without making sense,

became emotional, and couldn't drive.


Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!

[carlosman]

John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded,rural area of Georgia.

After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast.

However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them.

Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.

Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted ... "COLD WATER, GO LAY DOWN!!!!"

[Keyboard]

A Bunny Story

Once upon a time there was a man who was peacefully driving down a windy road.


Suddenly, a bunny skipped across the road and the man couldn't stop.


He hit the bunny head on.


The man quickly jumped out of his car to check the scene.


There, lying lifeless in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.


The man cried out, "Oh no! I have committed a terrible crime! I have run over the Easter Bunny!"


The man started sobbing quite hard and then he heard another car approaching.


It was a woman in a red convertible.


The woman stopped and asked what the problem was.


The man explained, "I have done something horribly sad. I have run over the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter, and it's all my fault."


The woman ran back to her car.


A moment later, she came back carrying a spray bottle. She ran over to the motionless bunny and sprayed it.


The bunny immediately sprang up, ran into the woods, stopped, and waved back at the man and woman.


Then it ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved. It then ran another 10 feet, stopped, and waved again.


It did this over and over and over again until the man and the woman could no longer see the bunny.


Once out of sight, the man exclaimed, "What is that stuff in that bottle?"


The woman replied, "It's harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds permanent wave."

[xayoz]

A blonde was driving home....

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.

Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.

He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.

Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

[Ryu]

You Might Be A Redneck If.....
You just bought your family their 1st Atari game system.

You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria.

You think the only tools "real men" need are duck tape and caulk, and you have successful repair projects to prove it.

You've tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up.

You name your car the General Lee.

You see a sign that says "bridge out" and you try to jump it.

You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.

Warp drive describes the condition of your car.

Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.

You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".


thank you Farmer1, bwcbob, iptvtalk staff and members for donation, contest and fun.

[pizzadish]

Getting a little extra....
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car.

They said "Heavens no, we bought it."

He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".

Each of the women said "We can't drive".

The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"

They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.