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  1. #61
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    The Husband Store – New One .....

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

    Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

    There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

    The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward.

    The third floor sign reads:

    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:

    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

    There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

    Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:

    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.

    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer

    The third, fourth, fifth & sixth floors have never been visited.

  2. #62
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    For Men Only....


    Now THIS is a common sense approach to testing & saving money!

    Simplified Urine Test For Senior Men

    Avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get.

    Simply go outside and pee in the front yard.

    If ant's gather: DIABETES.

    If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE

    If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL

    If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS

    If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S

  3. #63
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    Divorce...... WHAT?


    A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

    She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

    "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

    "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

    "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

    "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

    He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

    "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

    "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

    "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

    "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

    "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

    Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

    "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

  4. #64
    Diplomatic Emissary zaang83's Avatar
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    The Golden Saloon...

    A guy comes home completely drunk one night.

    He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

    "Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.

    "At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - even the urinal is gold!"

    The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.

    She calls up the place to check her husband's story.

    "Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.

    "Yes it is," bartender answers.
    "Do you have huge golden doors?"
    "Sure do."
    "Do you have golden floors?"
    "Most certainly do."
    "What about golden urinals?"

    There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
    "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"

  5. #65
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    Harlow was fixing a door.....
    Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

    At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

    When Carl was finished, Mary asked how much for the teapot.
    Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $100!"

    "My goodness, that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed.

    Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy,and Carl went to the back room to find it.

    From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

    Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

    This is why you can't send a woman to a hardware store.

  6. #66
    Farmer At Work Farmer1's Avatar
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    This is awesome reading all these jokes. It brings a lot of laughs

    Hints

    1 It is one of bwcbob's joke
    2 It is in the date range 12/06/2019 - 11/5/2020
    3 There is more then 1 person involved in this joke and not husband and wife
    Two of the greatest qualities
    to have in live are:

    PATIENCE
    and
    WISDOM

  7. #67
    3 Time Nascar Pool Winner 4me2c's Avatar
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    Cool

    Walk to the shop....

    One day, while going to the shop, I passed by a retirement village.

    On the front lawn were six old ladies, lying naked on the grass.

    I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way.

    On my return trip, I passed the same retirement village with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

    This time my curiosity got the better of me so I stopped and went inside to talk to the retirement village administrator.

    I asked her, "Did you know there are six ladies lying naked on your lawn?"

    "Yes," she said, "aren't they darlings?

    They're retired prostitutes, and they're having a yard sale ."

    Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Fun Contest and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!!
    WWJD...!!!

  8. #68
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    Horse for sale....

    __________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ___________________________________________


    There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse.

    A potential buyer came to the church for a test ride.

    "Before you start" the preacher said,"you should know that this horse only responds to church talk.

    Go is praise the lord and stop is amen."

    So the man on the horse says " Praise the lord," and the horse starts to trot.

    The man again says "Praise the lord," and the horse starts to gallop.

    Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man yells "Amen!!!"

    The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.

    The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says "Praise the Lord."

  9. #69
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    What's the trick?

    A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

    "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

    "No, no, no!" insisted the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.

    I've been trying to do that for years!"

  10. #70
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    Complicated order....

    A resident in a seaside hotel breakfast room called the head waiter to his table. "I want two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it's runny, and the other so overcooked, it's tough and hard to eat. Also, give me some grilled bacon that has been left on the plate to get cold; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm."

    "That's a complicated order, Sir," said the bewildered waiter.

    "It might be quite difficult to prepare."

    The guest replied, "Oh? But that's what I got yesterday!!"

 

 
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