Raffle for a Buzz Vivid stick ST 4000 01/18/2021 - bigstar

Raffle prizes!

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.

The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers.

Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti!

How about you, how's that toilet brush?"

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."

A fellow bought a new Mercedes

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellow-head for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

"There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The Mountie came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over.

I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give mean excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go."

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.

A professor of chemistry wanted...
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey.

It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

A man owned a small farm...
A man owned a small farm in South Georgia.


The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.


"You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them."


"All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $700 a week, plus room and board.


I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $600 a week plus room and board."


"Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.


"Yeah," the farmer said. "This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco."


"Aha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that man!"


"Speaking," said the farmer.

Why Spell Check ....

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at a...

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht thefrist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a toatl msesand you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raedervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

One Monday morning...

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route.

As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night.

This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild.

Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet.

Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

Playing Golf with God...

Three men were playing golf.

The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.

The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard.

He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.

The next man stepped up and hit the ball.

Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water.

He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.

The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it.

The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth.

An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off.

As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad." ;)

Thanks to bwcbob for the Gift, Farmer1 for the Chance and IPTV for being here so it All is Possible...!!! Good Luck Everyone, Let's have some Fun Again...!! :cool:

A devoted wife.....

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you gave me support.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side.

You know what?"

"What dear?" she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.....

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey girls," says the brunette, "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

The next day, they all leave right after the boss does.

The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss!

She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught!"

A cop saw....
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.

He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking woman behind the wheel.

There was a strong smell liquor on her breath.

He said, "I'm going to give you a breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol."

She blew up the balloon and he walked it back to the police car.

After a couple of minutes, he returned to her car and said, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones."

She replied, "You mean it shows that, too